Last Wish

Clock ticked at the exact ten o'clock at night.

'It's time', silently he whispered to himself.

A father placed his book aside and went to check on his only daughter.

Standing in front of her door, he was knocking for permission.
First knocked was ignored and so as second and third.

A father was made bewildered by this situation.
It was not usual of her daughter to take no notice of his arrival.
Slowly he turned her doorknob and opened the door.
When he saw her, shocked filled his entire being.

His eyes were wide opened and his mouth was a definite O.

She was lying unconscious on the floor.
Her face was pale white and she looked really sick.

Father took no further delay to call up an ambulance.
Once he was done doing so, directly he accompanied her.

Her skin was icy cold and her lips was turning paler every seconds.
Tears of hope from his father were dripping on her cheeks.

It awoke her.

She wiped his tears away and struggled for words, for a last wish.
She held up a paper and gave it to him.

Father was trembling to receive her last wish as he won't let it be the last of it.

She held his father's warm hand and commended him under her last breath to promise to fulfill her last wish.

As the words were spread, she passed away.

Her father was crying to take this bitter fact as he didn't know her only daughter had cancer.

He opened the folded paper and this was written:

"Dad, I love you.
By the time you've received this message, I won't be in this world anymore.
I want you to remember that you'll always be here, in my heart. Forever.

Tell my friends I love them so much.
Nothing in this world is as precious as our friendship.
I may be a big disappointment for them, a friend that isn't truly can be called one.
However, I want them to know that whether in the state of alive or not, they will still be important to me. Till the end. My very end.

Although the love I give was different than any other friends of theirs but I was giving them my very one and only heart.
They couldn't really feel them and that sadden me.
I was hoping you could tell them what's I had been keeping for this long.
A goal I wouldn't be possible to reach. Not now and not anymore.

My time has ended here.
Dad, I'm allright.

No good-byes cause I would always stay in your heart, always..."

The story hadn't end.
Although the message was passed,

Will they understand the story behind everything?

Will they understand why is it every person different with another in a special way?
Everyone have their own unique way to express their love.
Can they receive that girl's love?

What do you think?
Do they be able to understand her?

Rain

Why do I like rain?
Rain is the period of my existence when nobody notices that in fact I am crying.

Drip by drip, droplets of rain fall from the sky.
Looking up to the dark gloomy clouds, tears along with rain is streaming unbrokenly down my cheeks.
It washes away the trail of tears leaving me with a fresh look.
After then, nobody would know what’ve happened and nobody would find out.

Rain is really a perfect time to pour your grief out in public.
It’s efficient and feels incredibly great.

Life is a challenge for every human being.

My life has always been ups and downs, bumpy and never smooth.
It’s really frustrating and irritating as well.

Tough as it goes, slowly problems are increasing.

Nobody could understand the confusion grow within me.
It keeps on growing and hasn’t ever ended.
Trials and errors have been made but antidote still is nowhere to be found.

I’m a sick patient waits for a perfect medicine.
I’m damaged!

I really don’t understand myself.
Finding out about myself has given me a mystery of my own.
I don't seem to know myself anymore. I'm surprisingly different.

Recently, I look at my reflection on the mirror and see a whole other person.

She looks just like me but I know she is not me.
It’s terrifying yet confusing situation.
I don’t know who I have become.
Such changes are just too fast for our naked eyes to witness although it all occurs in front of us.

In every sorrow cases I've felt, you'll find me crying in the rain.
Rain will accompany me.
They understand. nobody does.

Magical Moment

Swoosh…

All that I heard was the sound of the waves.
They rolled down swiftly finding its way to meet my feet.
Slowly it had drenched half of my dress.

I closed my eyes feeling the cold breeze swept the hair out of my shoulders.
I felt bit by bit my soul found a place to recover.
All the hatred, lost, hurt everything were vanished, gone without a trace.
It felt like the waves had taken everything away along with them.

The peace sensation had me calmed.
I could finally breath my problems out leaving me with ease.
I truly wanted to make this feeling permanent but my attempt of keeping was continuing to fail.

I sighed whenever the sun went down.
Sunset arrival was initialing me my time was up. It was time to go back home.
I looked around and discovered that I was alone. Everybody had left.

I tried telling myself I could come tomorrow and the day after.
However, for inexplicable reason, my feet rooted itself down to the ground.
Not wanting to leave this place.

I reluctantly commanded my feet and all the willing of staying to obey my orders.
Unfortunately, I was ignored.

Everything I did never changed the fact that I really wanted to be there.
Forever or at least when I could feel this way everyday for the rest of my life.

The crashing waves… The breeze of the wind… The soft sand burying my feet…
Every single one of them had given me a warmth feeling that no one or anything could possibly gave me.

All I want is a peace to my heart, to my life.
That’s all matters to me.
Nothing else is.

Hatred

CIE 'O' Level is driving me crazy..
I'm going nuts each day..

Although every person I met was telling me to chill, unfortunately, I couldn't do so..
I really wanted to prepare for CIE way before time.. (the only way to calm myself)

Having the thought it was getting closer each day, it's making me more nervous..
They always say that I'm overstudying or some may described as 'crazy study'..
The way they called it, it's like I was really doing something wrong..

What I want for myself is just getting high marks for my grades so I can make my parents proud!
Not going school to waste money or time..

Am I wrong to achieve my goals as student?
Why can't they see it from my point of view?
Why must they judge whatever they feel like?
Do they ever realize how does it feels to be in my position?

Looking at their faces..
See how they reacted toward my studies, it really makes me sick..
It feels like they are mocking me..
Sometimes I want to smack their brain out of their head..

Every word they utter.. Every expression they show.. Every gaze at their eyes..
It flares my rage..
It really had me annoyed.. Irritated me to death to be specific..

I don't understand them..
I just wish they can understand me..

I mean.. I'm just a person that has determination in life..
Wanting to be a person with bright future..

Am I wrong?

Friends

Have you ever felt like your life is full speed ahead of you?
Have you ever wish that somehow, you'd be given a longer time to stay with your friends?

For my answer, I’m still expecting a miracle although it's one to a million chances..

Every now and then, everything just run inexplicably fast..
Even none of us are aware that actually we are left with not much time..

Having the thought of them leaving is a suicidal feeling for me..
'good-bye' is what I can think of although Melia will slap me for that..
She really hates it when I remind her we'll be going in our separate ways soon..

I can even imagine how I'd be when they are gone..
There's only one word to describe, 'miserable'

However, when that day is upon me, there's nothing much I can do to change the future..
Their future are settled and so as mine, we're just have to stay put and move on..
Hoping we'll get over it even if it'll take a long time..

Few years pass and we'll get older..

Perhaps..

we'll wallow in memories of long-gone high school days..
Missing our old times..
Having to realize how ridiculous we look when we're young..
Having all those thoughts right now really bring tears to my eyes..

I'm sad to the day awaits me..
I'm afraid to lose my friends..
I'm not comfortable in feeling like I'll soon be left alone.. friendless..

Lots have been changing in my life and I demand no more changes..
I just want everything just be simple and normal..
Why can't it be that simple?

For one thing for sure, I'll miss them..
How about you?

Growing Up

23rd March 2009 (9:00 am)

"I've given one more chance to prove that I’m not the kind of person I used to be. I can CHANGE and I WILL!" the words echoed and echoed in my ears.

I'm a true crybaby..
I cried for almost everything.. Even over the simplest things!
I promise myself it would be the last of it..
Starting now, I'm NO longer a crybaby!

I've learn that real courage was in facing and overcoming
fear and NOT by crying over spill milk..

Time over time purpose of life supposedly to seek pleasure and avoid pain but my life works the other way around..

Everything I've seen in life is a wrong judgment..

All these time, the problem was in ME..
By changing myself, I hope I’ll find a better life or at least to find a better me..

I've been extremely vicious and intimidating for some people..
For my unpleasant attitude I apologize..

From now onward,
I'm a reborn Caroline..
I've discovered my mistakes and I won't make the same mistakes twice..

Today is the start of my new life..
The flip of a new page.. The beginning of everything..
I'm ready to shout to the world saying, ‘I've learn my mistakes! I’ll grow up!'

Nothing can stop me from this attempt of mine..
Everything will change.. I confirm myself..

Smile all the way..

Always start your day with a smile :D [contribution from Joss]

My new motto,

'Smiling Everyday Keeps The
Troubles Away' :P

XOXO

I'll be back for more! ^^

Excruciating Reminder

21st March 2009

Someone came up to me..

As the words began to fill my entire being, my heart couldn't bear another strike..
Perhaps I had myself prepared to face this upsetting fact, but it seemed my heart didn't do much the job..
The only thing could be concluded in this situation was 'truth hurts'..
I couldn't deny it as well as every person who visited my blog..

My heart was then broken into two..
Void filled my heart but hope lingered with me telling me to stay strong..

Heavy-heartedly,
I thanked the person for their honesty although my heart was raining in tears..
With big fake smiles saying, 'I'm fine' while deep inside I’m bleeding..

This situation had us in awkward positions..

As my memory rested at the fact I knew I had it coming,
I questioned myself for being painfully hurt..

'Why would those words burn like an acid in my heart when I know it's coming?'

Phone rang..
Gone once.. twice.. trice..
I didn't answer any of those calls..

My strength was yanked by the terrifying possibility of the future..
I didn't want anything to change..
I wanted everything went back to normal.. I wanted to be strong!
However, I couldn’t do so..
'What is the matter with me?'

I didn't want any apologize..
I just wanted a time-out.. A place for me to pull myself together..
I knew they just wanted to help, to make a better me..
I was sorry for being childish but I couldn't help it myself..
My emotions were out of control, wild like a hunger tiger finally freed from its cage..

As time had cleared my mind,
I discovered only true friends would take such risk to make me realize something I don't..
They are my 'real' friends..

Even if the process was extremely excruciating, it had opened my eyes and changed me..

For their 'slap in the face' reminder..
Not mentioning harsh and hurtful, I want to say, 'Thank You!'..

Peace.. ^^

XOXO
CC = Caroline Cullen
Ha!